I have been thinking a lot about friendship lately. I find myself spending more time alone than ever in my life. I find myself longing for a deeper level of friendships than ever before, for new friendships as well. Yet I still find myself alone so much of the time.
I have to ask myself why am I choosing to be at home alone when I know so many people? I think it is because my view of friendship is not what the world has made it into. Friendship is more than a social media friend, it is more than an occasional hi, or text…
Friendship has many different levels in life, but the one I am longing for, the one I crave, looks different than the majority of what I see around me.
I have some great friends and very close life long friends in my life. What I am longing for is sometimes hindered by the different lifestyles others live or seasons they are in verses my season. Some are married, some are in relationships, some have different beliefs or lifestyles they live, that sometimes interferes with what I am longing for. Their schedules and mine may not line up. Maybe our finances are not the same level when it is time for a road trip and so I find myself going alone or not getting to go with them.
I have to say that if I could really show you an image of what I am looking for it is probably the Golden Girls lol. I want to laugh together, cry together, fight a little, make up a little but always stay loyal. I know I have those kinds of friendships for sure.
So what is it I am looking for? I am looking for new friendships to add to the ones I already have. See I have been closed off to new for a long time. I will try to open up and accept a new friendship but something inside me keeps them at a distance. I have been hurt by some very close friends in my life. Some whom I looked up to, who were more like family. It has put a distrust for people into my heart. It has been rooted so deeply that I have almost closed myself off inside when it comes to loving someone on that level.
I am starting to find myself longing again for closeness, deep conversation and a bond that is risk taking. I am starting to let go of some of the old to make room for the new.
Recently I realized that I have been holding onto a couple of people in my life for about 7-8 years too long. When we hold onto dead relationships and compare others to the hurt and damage left behind from those relationships, we leave no room for others.
I have always always held onto people to tight and too close and way too long. I am not perfect by any means. I have hurt others as well in my relationships, but I allow people who have damaged and broken me in ways to remain a major part of my heart. It is time to let go of those people. It is time to make room for others to make new memories with that far outweigh the pain and brokenness left behind.
How do I begin to make room for new friendships? I believe the very first step for me to take is allowing God to be my very best friend first and foremost. When I lean on His love, I will find healing and room for others in my life. When I lean on His love, I will find a safe place to allow others that are safe people into my life. I will no longer fear being taken advantage of, used, betrayed or rejected…
I will know that God directs my steps in every area of my life. Yes even in my friendships. I will know and trust that if someone is not healthy for me, He will guard my heart and I will not have to.
I am ready now to laugh with, travel with, cry with, dream with, build with and do life with those who God puts into my life from this day forward. I will allow God to place and remove those who do and do not belong in my inner circle. I will not choose people out of my own emptiness but out of His fullness of LOVE!
I will treasure the life long friendships I have no matter the amount of time I get with them. If it is a couple of hours floating in a pool, or sitting talking to them while they hang laundry and chase their precious grand baby, or maybe that rare moment they can take away from care-taking of their own son who is disabled from a tragic accident. I wont feel sorry for myself because their lives and mine don’t always match up at the same time. I will leave space for the new and treasure the years I have with them to come.
I am excited about what God is doing in my heart. I am excited for the room I am allowing Him to make in my heart for new friends.
What does friendship look like to you? I would love to hear from you? Just post a comment and lets do this life together.
For a look at healthy friendship examples and teaching click on link below
https://watch.tbn.tv/better-together
Dream Catcher 3:20
Cassie Gilman
