Category Archives: Faith


Since June 27th when my best friend was in a horrible freak accident, I have had a hell of a year. I thought I had lost myself totally again and would not bounce back this time.

At the time of her accident I already felt like I was barely hanging on to my faith, hope and love. I for sure felt like my joy was very low! Then when she left us July 1st there was nothing left but anger and grief.

When I came back to Oklahoma in 2017 the life I had was very different than the one I came back here to have. I kept holding on to the things of the past. The platforms I had and purpose I felt I had before my seperation and divorce was lost in the transition.

I stepped completely out of “ministry” a couple of years ago and eventually found myself struggling to even go to church and forcing myself to go. I sure haven’t been consistent with when I have gone. I have lots of reasons on this but most are probably excuses. When Covid shutdown happened is when I really lost that main connection.

Covid pandemic exposed so much in this world and in even my own heart. I found anger and disappointment in humanity was a major part of my spiraling 🌀 down the wrong emotional path.

In 2013 or even before that, I had started a journey of promoting and encouraging other businesses and ministries. Part of what I did was book a couple of Christian country artist, had a blog, did interviews, podcast and even had a radio show. So when I came back here that entire life was entangled with my divorce and pain. I would try and try to make it still work and it didn’t ever go anywhere.

It wasn’t until I lost Maver that I realized I had already spent the last 6 years living in a continuous state of grief. I read a post that said we don’t just grieve the ones we loose but we grieve the dreams and what would have been in the future with them. I was still grieving the loss of my dreams. Not really the person I left but all that was connected to that life.

Yes I did stop doing ministry and even really walking in the things I did before but I was living even though I felt like I wasn’t living the best life I knew I could be living.

I believe 100% that having my family close by and having all of my farm animals in my small backyard farm is what’s kept me wanting to even be here at all to try to live with a purpose again.

A talk with my daughter about my old blog and website is what opened my eyes to realize I still have as much purpose, passion and vision as I always have. IT JUST LOOKS DIFFERENT!

One of my life long friends has been on a journey of finding her place and where God wants her again. I have been with her this weekend in OKC to help get her moved. She is moving back to Tulsa and going to Victory church which is my all time favorite church. So I will have a place to go stay with some and attend this place to fill up with hope, love and joy. I have my small home church group local as well. It’s important to have a place to remind you that God is Hope, Love and Joy!

After talking to my daughter and creating a new blog, website and social media platform, I have been having so much fun, especially this weekend. I had so much fun and knew that I was going to be okay. I felt alive again. I talked to vendors and the Farmers Market and networked.

I love it that I can help promote and encourage others in a totally different area of life and still bring them hope, love and joy.

I love learning about growing my backyard farm Cross G Backyard Farms and excited about what the future with this will bring.

I would love to even set up a farmers market at my place this spring and bring others together to share their business and dreams. So many ideas again. So many possibilities!!!

I know this was a long post but I wanted to share what’s been happening in my heart and life in hopes it will encourage you.


Blessings from Cross G Backyard Farms

Eph 3:20

Cassie G

When Grief Is Your Season

Five weeks ago today, my life was altered forever. Tuesday June 27th, started out like any other day. I had a slow work day for some reason and I was feeling extra tired so I was just hanging around the house. My phone rang at 11:22 am and I had also missed a text that said “what ya doin my friend”.

I answered the call and it was my best friend of 30 years. She was headed to Walmart and wanted to know what I was doing. Well all she had to say to me was Walmart and I was busy lol. I hate going to Walmart so I wasn’t about to be like oh yeah I’ll go with you. She knew the answer before she called but she had to try. She asked me about running an errand for her and then decided she had it covered. I knew that I would go on and clean the house I had scheduled and when I got back I would get my daily afternoon text saying what ya doin now? Then I would debate going over to the farm or chatting on the phone instead. This was a daily thing for years now.

Around 3pm my brother text me and said “what are you doing?” I said “currently sitting on my butt on the couch”. He replied with “at your house”. My brother, his fiancé and I have a garden together so I thought he was saying he was at my house. I figured he was ready to pick green beans. I looked outside and didn’t see him, I thought well I will go out and get started while he gets here.

I walked outside and headed to the garden that hot day and as feeling whiny cause I was tired. As I stepped towards the garden something inside me said “something isn’t right, that text is gonna be a bad thing”. I turned around and nervously went to pilfering in my vehicle while waiting to see what direction he drove in from. I told myself if he comes from his house and in the Ranger it is ok but if he comes from the other way and in his truck this is bad.

In just a few minutes I saw him coming in his truck and my heart started sinking. I knew he was bringing me bad news. See my brother is a local firefighter and knows before most what’s happened in the community.

My brother pulled up and in a tone that verified my fear, he says “Cassie where is Dawni?” Dawni is my daughter so my heart started beating so fast. I said “I guess at home. Why?” He started to proceed to tell me I needed to stay calm. I then didn’t stay calm at all. I begin almost yelling and cussing at him to start talking and talk fast. My head was going so fast. I thought wow why would he come to tell me if it was my deployed son, he’s too calm for it to be my parents or sister, he asked where Dawni is so it’s not her. Are my grandkids with her?, where is Josh(her husband)?

My brother said “Cassie it’s Maver. There’s been an accident and a tree fell on her car and she’s been life flighted”. What? My head started spinning and there was nothing in me at all that was calm.

The reason he had asked where my daughter was is he had been up working all night and day. He wanted to have someone drive me safely to the hospital. My daughter didn’t hear her phone so he said “you stay right here. I mean it don’t you get in that car and leave here. I am going to get Megan and Andi and I will be back to get you”.

I made a call to another firefighter friend. I said” I know you know and you need to start talking. I want to know the truth”. He didn’t give me any details either. They were doing their jobs by not giving details. They was also both protecting me.

They came and picked me up and drove me to the hospital. All of our heads were spinning. This was such a freak accident that the spinning still continues. A couple of hours after I thought my brother and them had left, he text and they had gotten me a coffee. I was wondering why he who had no sleep was still there when I thought they went home. My brother knew in his mind and heart that I was facing a very dark time ahead of me. He talked to me about no matter what I have to stay calm and not react to anything that gets said or happens.

The next 4 days were a roller coaster of ups and downs. Hope then no hope. I only left the hospital when I absolutely had to for work. Saturday July 1st my best friend took her last breath and went to be with Jesus. I was angry, sad, numb, and actually went into shock.

Sunday morning after staying in a hotel that my brother and Megan put me up in, I left and headed home. I called my daughter and was having a discussion about plans for the evening. I hung up and then we talked again in a few minutes. Apparently when on the first call, I slipped into a discussion I thought I was having with my best friend. Sunday was always the same discussion if we wasn’t at camp. We would discuss the plans for the evening. I would always ask her if we was having a cookout and was we having a bonfire. When my daughter said “mom I thought you wanted a bonfire and to grill out.” I was like what?

I can not tell you how confused I felt when we begin to go back and forth on me having this discussion about bonfires and grilling. I insisted I never said such a thing. I did though!! When I got home and realized it was Sunday, I totally freaked out. What is wrong with me was screaming in my head. Did I have a stroke because my BP was out of control by this point. Monday after hours of out of control BP I ended up in the urgent care. I was diagnosed with shock and anxiety.

Grief is so weird. Grief can effect your health, mental status and your spirit. I was a mess for days. There are days I start out thinking okay I am feeling okay and this is going to be a good day. Before that day is over I have found myself in a state of overwhelming grief.

Last night I was at my work, where I clean an office and I did something embarrassing. Well it wouldn’t have been had no one been in there. Unfortunately there was a lady left in her office and I had no idea. When I realized and they had left, I reached for my phone to do what I would have always done. You guessed it… call my bff! Suddenly the air sucked out of the room and I gasped for air.

Maver and I went in on a swap meet spot with my parents. Now my mom has set up since the accident but I have not. Here in a few days I will face my first swap with out her. Part of me says nope I am not doing it. The other part of me who can’t get into my garage from all the swap meet items says YES YOU ARE GOING! There will be many many first with out her through this next year.

I also know in my grief that if I am feeling this bad, this means her husband, kids, grandkid, and parents feel it even more deeply. This makes the grief more intense to see others also hurting. One thing for sure is we are in it together and we can help each other through it.

Grief has its cycles and there is no order in which they cycle. I am pretty sure I’ve experienced all feelings at the same time on somedays. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are the cycles. The bargaining ended at that hospital on July 1st. The other cycles have been a roller coaster ride. I have God, family and friends that are helping me get through this season and for that I am so grateful.

If you have found yourself in a season of grief, it’s very important to have a great support system. There are support groups even on social media if you don’t have a local support system.

My friend hated having her photo taken. She took this one with me just for me. I knew it was a sacrificial act of love.

I hope my story helps you and you know your not alone in your season of grief.

Dream Catcher 3:20


Week 2 Of Slow Down

As y’all know we are finding ourself facing a situation in our Country and World that we have never faced before. A lot of unknowns, fears and obstacles. We do not know who or what to believe.

There is one thing I know and that is we CAN TRUST AND BELIEVE GOD.

I will tell you how I am dealing with all of this. There are moments I am not dealing well. I allow a thought to get out of control. I binge eat, I get angry, and I spiral out on some social media rant or vent to a friend. I could pretend I have it all together or I can be real and honest. So I’m going with real and honest.

Now I will not leave it at the negative side of things. Here is what I do when I find myself doing the things above. I stop and force my phone out of my hand and turn on Praise and worship music. I turn my alerts off on my phone. I will turn on a podcast that is funny or a sermon podcast.

I have been waking up every night with a feeling of “what will I find has happened while I was asleep?”. So I turn on my Bible app or Abide app that reads the Word to me

I have started cleaning projects and advice tips to help others out. Here is my latest one.

I have been watching my grandson to help give his parents a time out.

As of today, we have been told all non essential workers stay home. It’s yet to be determined if I am or am not included in essential workers. I clean homes. I create a safe and disinfected home for my clients. To them I am essential. However I also want to be safe and comply with this situation to get it under control.

These are thoughts I battle…

  • Am I carrying a life threatening virus to my clients homes or home to my family?
  • I am responsible for others lives in this job
  • If I don’t work I will have nothing because I am self employed and there is no unemployment for me or grants for me available
  • I need someone to make this official and make a mandatory demand so I am not carrying the weight of this decision. Stop giving me recommendations and opinions and make it a flat out clear picture.
  • Then it’s back to God help me trust and hear You because no one here knows what we are doing!
  • then usually a repeat of all the above!

I told you I was going to be honest.

So when those thoughts are overwhelming me, it’s when I have to drown them out with worship, prayer and word.

I have been taking naps, taking vitamin C, B12 and using my diffuser at night with Thieves and Peppermint oils. These are all things I am doing to keep my immune system up.

Now my biggest issue is eating too much and too often because I am inside too often. I am praying the sun is out soon here and temps rising. I need to be walking and in the sun. I have a vitamin D deficiency and it has caused physical issues as well. Oh yeah I am taking Vitamin D and Turmeric.

I have a Bible app and I look up verses on Fear, Peace, Provision and read those. I share with others what He is telling me. I am no different than anyone reading this blog. I have to fight the battle and remember He has already won the war!!

I would love to hear back from you. What verses are you standing on, what worship songs are you listening to, what projects are you doing?

Here is a list of mine.

  • Raise a Hallelujah song
  • Fear is a liar song
  • Psalms 91
  • Psalms 23
  • Cleaning out my fridge
  • Deep cleaning baseboards
  • Cleaning out cabinets and drawers
  • Gathering things to bless others
  • Binge watching funny shows like Golden Girls, Reba and Designing Women

Okay your turn ♥️

Dream Catcher 3:20

Cassie Gilman

Things To Do While Homebound

Okay so I truly have no clue what day this is on challenge. I barely know what day it is lol. It was after noon before I realized it was Saint Patrick’s Day.

I have made a list of things we can do at home while this situation in our country is being contained. Hope y’all can find peace and enjoy your down time.

If you have board games and cards stashed away GET THEM OUT!

Get out the coloring books and crayons
If you are out at all for supplies and can, run by a Dollar Tree you can purchase some there.

I saw some old fashion cards like go fish at Dollar Tree.
They have cards to teach kids in the school supplies section as well.

Dominos stuck down in a junk drawer? Dig them out.

Those books you have been going to read that you have in a goodwill pile now… get them back out.

Get our recipe books and teach your kids or your self lol measurements and how to make a recipe

Teach a child how to skip
Don’t have a child, skip yourself to lighten your heart and increase your heart rate

Draw a line on the side walk and play that old game we played as kids. Not sure the name lol NOT DOGE BALL, that’s just mean lol. You hit the back back and forth to each other for points

Shoot hoops, play HORSE

Play duck duck goose with your kids or
Jump rope

Stay physical and
don let depression take root.
Don’t let fear take root either.

I’m getting myself a coloring book
Find your inner child again!!!

Sing some VBS songs like Jesus loves me, This Little Light Of Mine, Oh what’s the one that says “if the devil doesn’t like it, he can sit on a tack” lol

These are just a few ideas I had. If you have any to share, I would love to hear them.

Dream Catcher 3:20

Cassie Gilman

My message on the Corona

Day 11. Well it’s actually day 12. However, I skipped yesterday.

I went and got some supplies and food to have for the emergency situation we have found ourselves in. I did not hoard, even though my mind fought fear in this area. I watched others struggling with fear, hoarding water, toilet paper and no wipes to be found in the store.

I have been up for hours now, listening to the word, and this message was strong in me.


I myself have wanted to have the attitude of this won’t happen here, this is a conspiracy, this is over dramatic etc, this is government control etc…

Churches canceling seems like a plot in a rapture movie…

Hear me out and no judging me. Y’all have your thoughts and questions!

Here is the truth WE ARE THE CHURCH!!

We can worship God with our families at home. This can not stop us from being the church.

Yes there are many issues with this situation. However IF WE DO NOT STOP PANICKING it will only get worse.

We can not keep running in masses to the stores and hoarding supplies. Number one your being selfish and greedy. Number two your in A CROWD of people 🤦‍♀️

Number three those who want to say it’s all fake and not serious, maybe it is and maybe it’s not. But why take a chance???

I have a new grandbaby on the way. Let me tell you this… the fact that hospitals in Italy have to turn away patients who need to be there for delivery of babies, HEART ATTACKS, STROKES, TRAUMA etc… because it’s filled with patients with this 🦠 virus means pull our heads out of the media, get on our faces before God, listen to our leader WHO GOD PLACED THERE that is saying if at all possible JUST STAY HOME.
Listen that is very hard for me. I hate being stuck at home.

I can go to work and clean homes making their homes a more sterile place to help them as well. I am blessed with my line of work.

If I go out I can respect the wash hands and don’t touch face guidelines and get what I need and get out of the crowds.

We have to listen to the Holy Spirit very closely right now.

Check on our elderly and shut ins.

Be strong in our faith for those struggling with all the thoughts in our heads. When one is weak the other can pull them back up. No one and I mean NO ONE is exempt from a moment of fear or weakness. So don’t pretend your better than anyone going through this hell right now. We all have our weak areas.

Yes laugh at the funny memes and have fun but don’t let it be at the expense of someone’s weakness.

We have people with loved ones in nursing homes and prisons that they can’t get to. It’s causing major grief and fear. Respect this. Check on them. They don’t think any of this is funny right now. That’s okay. Let them feel what they feel but love them through it.

I’ll tell you right now the situation of possible domestic travel bands, possibility of being told it’s a law to stay in my home, because there are areas that are restricted, other countries have major lockdowns going on… these are issues I have literally had nightmares about for many years. Movies maybe triggered it idk but it is a fear I have dealt with. So I won’t pretend I am here having it all together.

It is however my responsibility to get in my word, crank up my worship music, tell God I am scared 💩 less and ask Him to quiet my fear with His word and love. Then it’s my responsibility to share that same word and love with my kids and all who need it.

Today is a National Day of Prayer. We have a President who has found Gods love and no he isn’t perfect but neither are we. We need to love and support him. We need to pray for him today. We need to pray for our medical personal across the world. We need to pray for our politicians, those on the teams with cdc and leadership roles making life choices for us right now.

And for the Love of GOD ♥️(for reals) SHARE THE 🧻 🧻🧻🧻🧻🧻 TOILET PAPER, WATER 💧 AND FOOD 🥘 YALL STORED UP IN FEAR!!

God will provide.