Tag Archives: God

FINDING MY JOY IN MY PURPOSE

Since June 27th when my best friend was in a horrible freak accident, I have had a hell of a year. I thought I had lost myself totally again and would not bounce back this time.

At the time of her accident I already felt like I was barely hanging on to my faith, hope and love. I for sure felt like my joy was very low! Then when she left us July 1st there was nothing left but anger and grief.

When I came back to Oklahoma in 2017 the life I had was very different than the one I came back here to have. I kept holding on to the things of the past. The platforms I had and purpose I felt I had before my seperation and divorce was lost in the transition.

I stepped completely out of “ministry” a couple of years ago and eventually found myself struggling to even go to church and forcing myself to go. I sure haven’t been consistent with when I have gone. I have lots of reasons on this but most are probably excuses. When Covid shutdown happened is when I really lost that main connection.

Covid pandemic exposed so much in this world and in even my own heart. I found anger and disappointment in humanity was a major part of my spiraling 🌀 down the wrong emotional path.

In 2013 or even before that, I had started a journey of promoting and encouraging other businesses and ministries. Part of what I did was book a couple of Christian country artist, had a blog, did interviews, podcast and even had a radio show. So when I came back here that entire life was entangled with my divorce and pain. I would try and try to make it still work and it didn’t ever go anywhere.

It wasn’t until I lost Maver that I realized I had already spent the last 6 years living in a continuous state of grief. I read a post that said we don’t just grieve the ones we loose but we grieve the dreams and what would have been in the future with them. I was still grieving the loss of my dreams. Not really the person I left but all that was connected to that life.

Yes I did stop doing ministry and even really walking in the things I did before but I was living even though I felt like I wasn’t living the best life I knew I could be living.

I believe 100% that having my family close by and having all of my farm animals in my small backyard farm is what’s kept me wanting to even be here at all to try to live with a purpose again.

A talk with my daughter about my old blog and website is what opened my eyes to realize I still have as much purpose, passion and vision as I always have. IT JUST LOOKS DIFFERENT!

One of my life long friends has been on a journey of finding her place and where God wants her again. I have been with her this weekend in OKC to help get her moved. She is moving back to Tulsa and going to Victory church which is my all time favorite church. So I will have a place to go stay with some and attend this place to fill up with hope, love and joy. I have my small home church group local as well. It’s important to have a place to remind you that God is Hope, Love and Joy!

After talking to my daughter and creating a new blog, website and social media platform, I have been having so much fun, especially this weekend. I had so much fun and knew that I was going to be okay. I felt alive again. I talked to vendors and the Farmers Market and networked.

I love it that I can help promote and encourage others in a totally different area of life and still bring them hope, love and joy.

I love learning about growing my backyard farm Cross G Backyard Farms and excited about what the future with this will bring.

I would love to even set up a farmers market at my place this spring and bring others together to share their business and dreams. So many ideas again. So many possibilities!!!

I know this was a long post but I wanted to share what’s been happening in my heart and life in hopes it will encourage you.

YOU ARE MISSED DAILY MY FRIEND

Blessings from Cross G Backyard Farms

Eph 3:20

Cassie G

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

When I was at conference this year I shared with the ladies 2 situations about domestic violence that was in homes.

One was a home filled with meth and addiction. A very sad situation that even when there was intervention the cycle continued.

The second was about a couple who loved God with all their heart. They stood on a stage in front of church members who loved them and got engaged, then had a wedding filled with ministers and loved ones. They loved each other with all their BROKEN hearts. Anger, bad self images, jealousy, confusion, fear and strife grew stronger than their faith and love. Verbal, Emotional and Physical violence became a habit. Anywhere from throwing things to threats and manhandling.

Don’t think this only happens in low income, drug addicts, and “non believers” homes.

This couple didn’t survive. They now both thrive in their own walks and God has taken their broken hearts 💔 and mended them in His way and timing.

Don’t wait until it gets to the point of breaking apart what you have or who you are. Get help, reach out!

Most of all safety is your first step.
Then get help from Godly men and women who will speak truth, give accountability and LOVE beyond the shock factor and LOVE you through your brokenness to a mended heart ❤️.

It doesn’t have to end in divorce but if it does don’t you walk around in shame like I did for so long.

God still will mend
God will still love
God will still forgive

#domesticviolenceawareness #dvam 💜💜💜

Connect

In today’s world and all that’s going on we have to take time to disconnect so that we can connect. We need to disconnect with media, news and any and all negativity around us.

I feel the most relaxed and peaceful when I turn all the noise off and connect with nature. I will sit outside by A fire pit and connect with God. Sometimes I will get up early in the morning and light an old fashion lantern so that I can connect with peace before I start my day.

I pray that each of you reading this will take a moment each day to connect. Connect with God, connect with your true self and connect with your loved ones around you.

hopewriterlife life #connect #aboveandbeyond #mendingfencesnhearts

Courage

Courage
There are so many situations in our lives that take courage. I think one of the most courageous moments in my life was leaving the man I loved more than life itself.
I married in 2016 and shortly after our wedding it became apparent that we had a toxic relationship situation. The very first heated argument we had became physical real fast.
I have to say that I loved him and I believe he loved me. I believe people love out of their own hurts and what they know. I however didn’t love myself enough to see that love wasn’t enough.
I stayed and did this crazy cycle we had going on for 11 months. A month before our anniversary things escalated beyond anything I could imagine. I then realized that this was not only destroying me, but him and his ministry. Yes I said ministry. It takes a lot of courage to tell this story but I know God wants it told. So many behind church doors need the courage to make a change and get help. So I am sharing my story.
So one month from our anniversary, I put on my courage and drove away leaving him standing there crying and saying once again how sorry he was. I believe he truly meant that. However he knew he went too far, I knew he went too far.
I thought in my heart as I drove to Oklahoma to be with my children, this will be all right. I thought we will get help. I wanted to be somewhere I felt safe and get help for each of us.

Over the weeks and months to come I had to have courage to get out of bed and face the day knowing things were not going to be all right. I started my cleaning business here in Oklahoma as I kept hoping for a miracle. God blessed it so much that I was full time in 3 months.
Long story short is, we divorced. He met another woman and life goes on.
Now I walk in the courage to hold my head high and know God has great Big plans for CASSIE!
I have made some pretty big decisions lately that has taken a lot of courage. If you keep following me here on Instagram or my blog, you will get to read all about them.

““Be strong. Take courage. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them a second thought because GOD, your God, is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you.””‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭31:6‬ ‭MSG‬‬
Dream Catcher 3:20Eph 3:20
Cassie Gilman

Don’t let go of hope

Sitting here looking at my memories on Facebook. Wow Gods brought
me a long ways since 2017. I had planned a trip down to Texas to see my husband, in hopes of reconciliation of some kind. Then when the hurricane hit and flooded Houston it caused a shortage on fuel down there. I was not able to go.
It sent things into another whirlwind of anger and strife. My head was spinning with grief and confusion.

I remember back to this season of my life. Many mornings, nights or maybe even just randomly in the middle of the day, being on my face crying so hard. I was grieving so hard that I didn’t even recognize my own voice or cries. It scared the heck out of me. I thought this grief would never end. There were moments I literally thought I was going to die from it.

Though my marriage was not restored, CASSIE was!

The grief didn’t stay. The tears didn’t stay. Now I still have moments of sadness and tears but nothing like the season I was in 3 years ago.

I have learned to be well ME!!!

I am still finding my way and BECOMING the CASSIE God created me to be.

It’s exciting
It can be scary lol but
It’s exciting

There are things happening that are great big BRAVE things in my life. I can’t wait to share them as they take place.

But most of all, the fact I didn’t quit is a great big BRAVE in my life.

Whatever your facing today, this time next year will not look the same.

Hold on to Gods love

Cry if you need to
Scream out if you need to

BUT DO NOT LET GO OF HOPE

Dream Catcher

Eph 3:20

Cassie